The societal dictates of dating

By Black Technocrat

Halfway through my first year at university, I fell in love with one of my classmates. For the first half of the year, I did not take notice of her until one day when we were in the laboratory. She and I were assigned slots that were directly across the laboratory bench.

Although we always talked and helped each other, the idea of love had never crossed my mind. One day, however, an unknown force made me raise up my head and, there she was, looking at me. Our eyes locked. I knew right away I was in love with her.

Now, one of my traits is that when I want a particular thing, I do not waste my time by dithering. "Do you mind if I talk to you after the lab?" I cut through the chase. She said she had no problem with it.

That session I pulled a remarkable delaying tactic and made sure I was the last one out of the lab. My classmate also waited. There was hope and the blessed feelings of mutual love were there and thick enough to cut with a hacksaw. My friend Andrew had thought I was merely joking but soon realized that I was not kidding. He tactfully left and waited for me just outside the lab.

So, there we were, only the two of us left in the lab. Right off the bat, I told my female classmate that I was in love with her. She looked taken aback by the bluntness. I do not beat about the bush. "I'll give you an answer later," she said.

I waited but that answer never materialized. By the end of the year, she was dating some bloke who was a third-year engineering student. After a week had elapsed without an answer, I moved on. I am notorious for quickly cutting off relationships that are fruitless.

Anyhow, I was a victim of the prevailing notion that said people in the same stream were not supposed to love each other because they were at the same level. I didn't buy it at that time; nor do I buy it now. I fell in love with my peer and yet it was bucking a very unfair trend, a Zimbabwean trend.

If you ever have the opportunity, talk to Zimbabwean men about their love experience when they were young. I can bet you most of them will tell you their romantic overtures were spurned by their contemporaries. Far be it from me to say this is the sole genesis of the ailment that has poisoned our relationships but, if I may say so, this surely is a contributing factor.

At any rate, in my final year, I sensed some friendly overtures from the woman I really loved when I was a mere first-year student but a gap of two years was way too much for me to rekindle the cold ashes of torched romantic affections.

I have brought this up to offer a perspective that you may not have been aware of. Love is complex and challenging. Men and women have fallen victims of pressure from relatives, friends and peers. This is not a simple subject whose complexities can be unravelled by looking at a few cases. Each case stands resolutely alone in its uniqueness.