Signs of immaturity in marriage

By Nobuhle Virgie

For men:

1.        Rejecting food when there's an issue: one of the things I hold in high esteem about my father is the fact that I never saw him reject my mother's food even when they had serious misunderstanding. In fact, it’s a big "sin" for his food to be unprepared when he is ready. Oga husband, you gave your wife money for food and after it was prepared you refuse to eat because you are angry. It’s one of the greatest signs of immaturity; it’s time to grow up! You should not even abandon your home for any reason, you could go somewhere when angry but ensure that you don't allow it to linger unnecessarily because that is enough for the devil to build on.

2.       Always telling your wife that you are the head: may I let you know that even when your wife disobeys/disrespect you she still knows that you are the head. You need not shout or scream it daily. It’s important for you to know when and how to be firm and put your foot down over issues, however don't become a nagging husband just to prove that you are the head.

3.       Issuing threats:
      Beating, verbally abusing your wife, issuing threats of divorce or bragging about marrying another wife does not make you a man. Your strength is in your ability to tame your tongue and control your fist. When she is acting her "childish woman" part, play the "matured man."

4.        Reporting your wife to friends and family: When your wife offends, correct and talk things through. You don't have to tell everyone about her mistakes, that will paint her black and sell her cheap such that you will not be able to redeem her back. It is also out of place for any man to love his mother more than his wife and kids, doing this only sets up your home for crisis.

5.       Competition: have you seen couples who compete with each other over material acquisitions? Their properties and investments are always in separate names. As the wife borrows to buy a Ferrari, the husband is running after a Bugatti. How childish can we be? This also leads to insecurity, jealousy and inferiority/superiority complex. Please let's check ourselves and work as a team because it’s one of the ways to succeed as a couple.

6.        Keeping malice: is it not funny to know that some men keep malice? Some of them even nag, criticise, abuse and call their wives names in public. It may make you look like a "big boy" who's in control but you are not going to gain anything good from it, your home will only be a den of insults and confrontations.

7.       Not helping with house chores: I must say here that it is the sole responsibility of a woman to tend and manage a home. However, it’s not a bad thing if a man lends a helping hand when necessary. Watching football with newspaper in your hand every evening not caring how stressful the house chores are will only increase the pressure on your wife and if you truly care you'll help, just checking on her while busy could encourage and sooth her, this also makes you a good example to the kids especially the boys. Some men don't even say "Thank You" to their wives after eating; all they do is compare her with other women. It’s also childish to say you do not care about how the kids are raised. It’s a shame that after having 3-4 kids some men cannot change a simple diaper or prepare cereal. Lastly, everyman should have a church/mosque where his family is watered and raised spiritually. This makes you accountable, it's immaturity and dangerous to be a sheep without a shepherd. As you learn and grow in the right fold, you'll be able to take the lead as the head of the home.