5 'rules' for a happy marriage

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My wife and I were once hosted by a married couple who were in what I can refer to as good marriage: Not a good marriage by any standards I have set myself but standards that have been set by others to define what a good ‘African’ marriage should be. As far as ‘African’ marriages go; it was indeed and still is a good marriage.

                But was it a happy marriage? Is it a happy marriage? I observed something a bit strange and I and my wife have a laugh about it from time to time: I could walk into that couple’s bedroom at any time of day or night and not be afraid to stumble upon anything private because both of them would be fully dressed even at five in the morning. In my book of a functional marriage, never mind happy - that’s strange. A husband and wife or man and woman staying together either get into bed naked or end up naked. In my book of a happy marriage that’s rule number one. If you knock on a married couple’s bedroom door at five in the morning, it should take them at least five minutes to open the door: They first have to disentangle from each other, cover their nakedness and then wonder if their faces betray the naughtiness they have been up to.

                I remember when I was still a rural school teacher and struggling to fit in. I as friends with a woman who had been a model during her school and college days. One day she complained in a rather playful manner that her husband was terrible at gossiping. That’s number two in my book of a happy marriage: Husband and wife should be able to gossip at length with each other. A lot of people talk of the importance of communication within a marriage; the basis of that communication is many hours of talking about other people, what they are doing wrong and so on. It will not be long before the talk turns your own marriage. Admit it, a good dose of gossip feels good.

                I once saw a facebook status update that was enquiring what one should do if they discovered that their partner was watching porn. My response was that ‘you watch the porn with your partner’. Number three in my book of a happy marriage is that couples should talk about sex and the dirtier that better. But avoid at all costs to adapt to what the general idea of good sex is; create your own idea of what good sex and adopt that. The wife should be able to turn to the husband and say, “I didn’t get an orgasm today...”

                When my wife was still in school, we once walked from her school to where we were staying because we didn’t have transport money and that was more than five kilometres. When we got home we were very tired but in high spirits because we were in it together. That’s number four; go through shit as a united front.

                Rule number five in my book of a happy marriage is: Don’t use too much common sense. What I mean by this is that what might seem silly to you might be extremely important to your partner. When I was still a fresh husband, I used to dismiss my wife rather harshly when she asked for a new shoe, a new handbag when she knew very well that we didn’t have a lot of money; that was until I realised that those things were extremely important to her even if they it didn’t make much sense to me why someone would want to buy a new shoe every week. Compromise?