Is the wife to blame for cheating husband?

It is a big sign of weakness to blame someone else for one’s failures and weaknesses. But it seems that men have not evolved enough to realise this fact of life. Do men and the women who support the men realise how stupid it sounds to say ‘she seduced me’. I have heard women on too many occasions scream at pregnant girls, “Why didn’t you prevent? Did you think if you got pregnant, he was going to marry you?” And the man’s part in the whole mess is disregarded. The men are never censured and they go on being irresponsible and over the years men’s stupid ways have become acceptable: And the likes of our own Prime Minister are not doing much in terms of setting good examples.

Since creation women have been blamed for men’s disastrous decisions; as if men are children who cannot make up their own minds. I guess women were doomed the moment Adam said, ”It wasn’t my fault that I ate the fruit you forbade us to eat”.

Since then it has been women’s fault that they get raped – why did they put on miniskirts? Why did they laugh so much and make the men believe they were ‘available’? Moslem women are all covered up, there is breast ironing in Cameroon (the practice of ironing young girls’ breasts so that they become flattened so that they will not be abused by men), and there is genital mutilation in some parts of Africa.

 It is a woman’s fault if there is an unwanted pregnancy. It seems men are not capable of realising that their penises deposit sperms into a woman’s vagina and this leads to pregnancy. Every fool should know this. But the classic one is the ridiculous claim by married men that it is the wife’s fault that the man cheated. It can be anything from not being good in bed to not bathing or something as archaic as not being respectful. Honestly, between the sexes woman would be more justified if they said their husbands drive them to cheating: There is the totally selfish sexual intercourse; too many married women don’t know what an orgasm feels like. There is the emotional and physical abuse and of course there is the absence; out drinking with the ‘boys’ or out with a myriad of concubines.

The purpose of this article is not to question the rightness or wrongness of men or women cheating on their partners, it is the approach by both men and women to the issue and how the supposed consequences are dealt with and how blame is apportioned if blame has to be apportioned at all that I am trying to unravel.  No one really knows if monogamy is the natural order of things and it is not my place to say for sure what is what. According to our own belief systems, convictions or religious persuasions, we decide whether to be monogamous or not. But it is important that each individual take responsibility for his or her actions and deal with ensuing consequences if there are any. It is stupid of men to say that their partners drive them to cheating. Wouldn’t it be wiser to just admit that you don’t want to be monogamous and do it in an orderly way like the way our grandfathers used to do it?

Living up to social expectations of a ‘marriage’, men marry a plain woman or force a colourful woman to be plain. Under the same traditional umbrella of expectation of what a ‘traditional’ wife should look like and behave like, the wife is not expected to talk about sex and she is not expected to enjoy sex. For a man to now turn around and say ‘I got a small house because my wife was not satisfying me sexually’ is ridiculous. Honestly ‘sexual satisfaction’ is what a couple achieves together, not something one partner dishes up for the enjoyment of the other partner. Admit it men, you will still cheat even if you had the best sexual partner in the world. To try and keep their men, women have resorted to vagina tightening creams and powders. Some weird techniques like inserting ice blocks into the vagina have been concocted to try and ‘satisfy’ men sexually. Shame, that will not stop a cheating man from cheating. In return for all that abuse inflicted by women on their vaginas, what have the men done to improve their wives’ sex lives?

In the event that a man marries a beautiful woman who really takes care of herself and is empowered sexually, the cheating man will say ‘I found myself a small house because my wife is not respectful enough’. Women can’t win this one. A cheating man will cheat no matter what. So what’s to be done? Should women just accept that men cheat and learn to live with it? I think men should be more open about their intentions: If they want more than one wife, they should communicate that to the first wife so that she can make up her own mind about whether to accept it or not before she has invested a lot into the marriage.