Rape is a socially constructed menace

Even though we have to accept that rape cases will always be amongst us since there will always be mad people in our midst, we have to realise that we can drastically reduce the rate of occurrences of rape. The majority of rape crimes are not committed by mentally disturbed people, but by people who have been socialised to think and behave in a certain way. It is this kind of thinking that encourages rape that we have to change in both men and women.

                I was shocked the other day to realise that the majority of Zimbabwean boys and men believe that a girl or woman who is a virgin will not lose that virginity willingly and therefore has to be raped. I thought that kind of thinking had disappeared sometime in the eighties or the nineties at the latest. I once witnessed a girl losing her virginity when I was a young boy. From whatever angle I try to approach it; I always come to the same conclusion: That girl was raped. She had willingly gotten into the room, but she did not want to have sex because a lot of force was used and even as a young boy, I realised that the girl was traumatised after the act and refused to move from the crime scene. Her sister and her sister’s boyfriend had to beg her to go back home.

It seems the streets are full of boys, young men and old men who go around thinking women will not give up sex willing and therefore have to be raped. Perhaps we should get into the men’s heads that any kind of forced sexual intercourse is rape. Whilst we are at it, we should also get it into women’s heads that ‘playing hard to get’ does not belong in this century. Honestly, how can we get it into men’s heads that rape is rape if there are women who expect men to rape them in the name of being ‘real’ men?

            Another serious cause of rape is the patriarchy system that expects women to ‘respect’ all men. Isn’t it bad enough that African women are expected to ‘respect’ their husbands? On top of that, they have to ‘respect’ their father in law, the husband’s brothers and cousins and a whole busload of ‘relatives’. Why should a woman cook for, serve food to and wash for a houseful of men? What happens when some of them make sexual advances as they will inevitably do? She will keep quite like a ‘respectful’ wife in order to maintain ‘family peace’. And those sexual advances will become rape if she turns them down: One of the downsides of lobola payment perhaps? It is said a man does not marry a woman for himself, but for the family. If her husband’s brother has got dirty clothes, she washes them. That’s what a ‘proper woman’ does. It does not end there, unfortunately: A woman’s duties include sexual favours in the depraved minds of men.

            The most problematic cause of rape is the fact that women do not propose love to men. Since women do not propose love to men, they use all sorts of actions to show the men they are interested in that they are interested. As a result of this assertion, men are always on the lookout for these signs that women are supposed to give out to show that they are interested in a particular man. The tricky thing about this is that there is no clear distinction between a woman who is smiling because she just loves smiling and a woman who is smiling because she is interested in a man. There is no distinction between a woman who is showing her panties because her mama never taught her to sit properly and a woman who is showing her panties because she is saying ‘come fuck me’ to the man across the room.

            As civilised animals, we should drop all this nonsense about not communicating directly when it comes to matters of sex, otherwise we will have men raping women on a daily basis and not knowing that they are committing a serious crime. Conversations like:

“Can you come to my place tonight?” Man

“What do you want?” Woman

“There is something I want to show you.” Man

Such kind of conversations should come to an end. The man should just say he wants to fuck her and the woman should give a straight yes if she is interested. We need a serious adjustment to our thinking and behaviour if we are to fight the scourge of rape.

Confessions of a rapist

I don’t understand why they say I raped her. She wanted me to have sex with her from the very day I arrived at their place to become their gardener. I knew the shape of her breasts, of her buttocks and had even seen her panties because of all the towels she used to wrap around her body, the see-through tops and too many times she sat with her legs apart. Even my friend Anthony told me so: He could see she was seducing me and he thought I was a stupid boy.

“Antonio my friend, you must have sex with that woman otherwise she will think you are stupid. You see that girl Patricia? I gave it to her real good, now she respects me.”

Patricia was the maid next door and Anthony was the gardener. I agreed with Anthony; the madam wanted me to give it to her real good. She had been seducing me from the very beginning and now they say I will go to prison for seven years for rape. I don’t understand why she says I raped her when she wanted me to have sex with her and she even enjoyed it. I don’t understand why that woman in court was asking all those stupid questions?

“Did she not tell you to stop doing what you were doing? Did she not try to push you away? Was there a time when she actually said, ‘Antonio, I want you to have sex with me?’’

“But she walked around naked and she was seducing me”, I said.

“She walked around totally naked?”

“She wrapped a small towel around her body”.

“She was not totally naked. And how did she seduce you?”

“By walking around naked and I could see it in her eyes that she wanted me”.

“You say by walking around with a towel around her body and smiling at you, she was seducing you? Edgas stores displays clothes in the window. Does that mean you should help yourself to those clothes? She said no and you did not listen, that is rape."

That woman in court was confusing me: Everyone knows women pretend as if they are not interested in sex when they are actually interested. All women try to push you away. That woman in court must be very mad. Has she ever heard of a woman telling a man that she wants to have sex with him? I don’t understand why I have to go to prison. The madam should just tell the court she said I had raped her because she was afraid of her husband.

From the day I arrived, the madam wanted me to have sex with her. She helped me clean the cottage and helped me carry the bed from the storeroom.

“If you want more blankets Antonio, just tell me and I will give you some more.”

What woman does that if she is not interested in a man? She knew I was watching from the window when she came to the washing line with nothing but a towel wrapped around her body. And she put her panties on the washing line right in front of my window. When my friend Anthony saw the panties, he held his head in disbelief.

“My friend, give that woman what she wants. If it was me, I would have squeezed those big buttocks a long time ago.”

Madam was a very light woman with big buttocks and big hips. She laughed a lot. The day she says I raped her she called me to the big house to fix a faulty toilet that was leaking. She was wearing a very short night dress and I felt my manhood harden when I laid my eyes on her. I fixed the toilet and she gave me five dollars. She slapped me on the shoulder and said:

“Thanks Antonio”, with a smile that said, ‘What’s wrong with you, can’t you see I am ready for sex’.

Honestly, I don’t understand why she says I raped her and the judge says I have to go to prison for seven years.

When Anthony saw me getting out of the big, he rushed to the fence in excitement.

“Did you do it? How was she?”

“No, I did not do it, but I could see that she wanted me to give it to her real good”.

“Go back and do it before she gives up on you”.

I went back into the big house and walked straight to the bathroom because I could hear some running water. I opened the bathroom door and she was totally naked. She screamed briefly when she saw me and held her mouth.

“You scared me Antonio. What do you want?”

I walked in and grabbed her by the waist and pushed her to the floor.

“Stop it Antonio, are you mad?”

I pulled her legs apart and at that very moment her husband walked in and pulled me off her and punched me in the face. She started lying about rape when she knows she wanted me to give it to her from the very beginning. I don’t understand why she says I raped her and I have to go to jail for seven years.