The day I lost my virginity

When I got married, I had never had sex with a man. I was twenty. Naturally, I was very nervous about my first time. I had been told it might be painful. Those who knew these things had told me not to expect any bleeding because I had been an avid sportsperson in school, so my hymen was likely to be already torn.

At twenty, I had watched enough porn and had fantasised about sex a lot, so I thought I knew what to expect. I had felt the tingling of my vagina as my breasts were stroked by a boyfriend before the man who eventually married me.

My first time was a huge flop. There was no pain: I would have welcomed some pain, because then I would have known I had felt something. If I had felt pain, I could always say my first time was painful. But besides the brief feeling of something entering me, I felt nothing. As I was still hoping that I would feel something as the number of his thrusts increased, he groaned and rolled off me. He was asleep in a few seconds and I stared at the ceiling for many hours, wondering what had just happened. I wondered why I felt I had just been sexually abused.

I got up, took a bath and watched some television until dawn. I was still wondering why I felt violated: He was my husband, wasn’t he?

For a year, that was our sex life: I felt violated four to five times a week and I wondered if that was all there was to marriage. He bought me food and clothes, but my parents had done that before I moved in with this man. There had to be more.

I went to baking school to try and fill the huge void I felt within me. And my business helped me when my husband drifted away. My business helped me when my husband had a girlfriend called Grace. Grace send nude pictures of herself to my husband via WhatsApp.

In a strange kind of way, I was glad Grace was in my husband’s life. I was glad because that meant he no longer had sex with me and the feeling of being violated was no longer with me.

Joshua came to our place in what I referred to as a ‘nice car’. That was about a year into my cake business. He wanted a cake for his daughter’s tenth birthday. He didn’t really know what kind of design he wanted.

‘Her favourite colours?’ I asked and I laughed at his sheepish look. At least he knew that she liked the movie, The Smurfs. I made some smurfs characters; my most adventurous cake ever. And Joshua and I spend the next two days exchanging WhatsApp images of my progress on the cake.

He came to collect the cake on a Saturday and my husband was never home on Saturdays. He asked me come with him so I could help him with the decorations. He had send his daughter to her aunt so that he could surprise her.

‘And her mom?’ I asked. He told me they were divorced and she had moved to the UK. I agreed to go with him and in a way agreed to whatever came with agreeing to go with him to his place. It was a very clean place and it was evident that it was a man’s house by all the electronic gadgets in the house.

He showed me to the kitchen and I placed the cake on the table. He took me by the hand and gently pulled me to the lounge. I knew what was going on and I was ready. He gently ran his hand across my face and slid it down to my blouse and started unbuttoning it. He undressed me to my panties, undressed himself and carried me to the bedroom. He removed my panties and gently put me on the bed.

My body trembled in pleasure as he penetrated me. My legs and arms involuntarily clung to him as I felt his stiff penis thrust into me.

I felt a flood of his sperms just as my body jerked in spasms of pleasure and I screamed. At that moment I knew I had just experienced the most pleasurable feeling in my entire life. He groaned, rolled off me and took me into his arms. As I lay on his chest, I briefly thought of the fact that I was married, but it was a brief thought. For the first time in my life, a man’s penis brought me happiness and contentment. In one day I had had three experiences that had left me very satisfied: I stood naked in front of a man, I experienced an orgasm and I discovered that sex was something to be enjoyed. That day I lost my virginity.

I was happy and I deserved it. There are those who are going to go on and on about me cheating on my husband and being a slut. I don’t care.