Flowers & Chocolates

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When I first raised the issue of flowers, chocolates, presents and the excessive use of endearments and the phrase ‘I love you’ as a hindrance to the development of a proper relationship I was labeled a lot of things. The most consistent attack I got was that I was stingy. We can never come to an agreement as to the definition of the word stingy as far as relationships go and I will not try to define it either. But it is my belief and with the little research I have done, I know that relationship in which the word stingy is used is bound to fail. I am reasserting my statement that flowers, chocolates, presents, ‘romantic’ dinners…hinder the development of a proper, long term relationship. I am also throwing in sex into the mix: Sexual intercourse that comes into a relationship much too early suffocates any realistic chances that relationship has of growing.

Why did I say flowers et cetera hinder the development of a proper, long term relationship? Flowers, presents and endearments make it too easy for the assholes to get away with rotten behavior. It’s too easy: A business executive can task the secretary to buy flowers and presents for five girls. The same said secretary can book a table for a ‘romantic’ dinner at a fancy restaurant. The real issues are never confronted: Are we compatible? Do I really like the person? Would I want to spend the rest of my life with that person? The real person is unmasked under Spartan conditions. It is when we are now married – if the said relationships get to marriage – that the real person emerges: She does not understand the concept of being broke once in a while: How can she? How can she understand that a guy sometimes does not have a single dollar to his name when all she knows are flowers, presents and fancy ‘romantic’ dinners? He doesn’t really care and can’t be bothered with spending a few hours with the woman: He has always been like that, but the flowers et cetera were standing in the way.

I once read somewhere that a newly married couple should not have a television set for at least the first year of their marriage as a television set gets in the way of real communication.

And sex? How does sexual intercourse, making love as some delusional people might want to call it, hinder the development of a proper, long term relationship? I once heard a girl say that once sex is introduced into a relationship then the relationship is doomed. The purpose of all meetings becomes sex and everything else that is vital to a healthy relationship flies out. The effort of finding a place to do it becomes so preoccupying that all else becomes irrelevant. For those who stay on their own; the meeting place becomes either his or place and no other pastimes are seriously considered.  What happens when you are now staying together and the prospect of sex is no longer exciting?

Am I saying that flowers, chocolates, sex…should be excluded for a budding relationship. Considering the current scenario whereby these things take precedence over everything else, I would tentatively say yes: Let’s do away with the flowers, the ‘I love you’ et cetera until the relationship has taken root. You will discover that those who do not mean it are the ones who say I love you the most. Those who are most likely to break your heart are the ones who give you the most flowers. And guys will realize that those women who place too much importance on flowers and ‘romantic’ dinners’ are the least likely to stand by you.

Let’s be realistic for just a moment and give our relationships a surviving chance by placing less importance on material things. You might call me stingy, but deep down, you know I am right.